They Call it Speed for a Reason

First day on my meds. The stuff is magic. I got so much done today and that alone alleviated so much stress, I was pretty much happy as a very high clam all day long.

I can't believe I waited so long to try.

Same Old Story, Another Year Older

Frustrated doesn't fully capture the breadth of the rage simmering below the surface. Rage at my employees for mistakes, at drivers for hesitating in traffic, at lines for moving slowly, at myself for failing. I realized I was going to explode unless I found some sort of cathartic release. So my blog is being dusted off, even if temporarily.

Fourteen weeks ago, I started dating a lovely, lovely man. Eight weeks ago, I took the CFP exam. Seven weeks ago, I contracted mono. Half a week ago, I learned I failed the CFP exam. Today, I picked up ADD medicine.

Failed. After almost a year of tear-inducing, anti-social studying. After scrimping to pay for thousands of dollars in books, tuition, lodging, transportation and fees. After acquiring more wrinkles and grey hair than I care to admit. After so much sacrifice and deprivation I almost killed myself, I failed. And that hurts, a lot.

I'm sitting again in eight short weeks. Only this time, I have mono and must sleep at least nine hours each night or I cannot function. This time, I have more responsibility and pressure and stress than two months ago. This time, I have the support and assistance of a very smart and encouraging man. This time, I'm trying medicine.

Last year, I was diagnosed with ADD but opted out of medicine. I thought I didn't need it. After failing an exam for which I was very, very well prepared, the only reason I can surmise is that ADD ruined me. I have evidence that could support this.

This evening, I picked up my first month's supply and tomorrow, the experiment in medication begins. Side effects include dry mouth, difficulty sleeping, mania, facial tics and weight loss. Thanks to mono, I'm skinnier now than I have been in years and was in no hurry to lose more weight. Thanks to ADD, I will soon be looking like Amy Winehouse.

This evening, I did my part to prepare for the ensuing weight loss; I ate almost half a bag of tortilla chips. I'll take what few jollies I can.

Reviewing and Planning

I realize I no longer blog but I need a place to keep and store my goals so I won't forget them. I don't think I have any readers left but that's okay; this is for me.

2008 Goals
- Go shopping once a month and spend $20 on beautiful things purely for their aesthetic. I did not accomplish this precise goal, but I did start buying things based more on their aesthetic and less on their practicality. Baby steps.
- Read 50 books. Ching! Even though I stopped tracking them, I have read well over 50 books this year.
- Run a 5k. I trained for it, but didn't run it. I could have, though.
- Win a game of tennis. I don't think I picked up my raquet this year.
- Take an art class. This did not happen, but I did start shooting weddings with Laura.
- Sit for (but this time pass) CFA Level One. So I decided not to do CFA and instead passed all the required courses and sat for the CFP exam. I find out results near the end of January.
- Cook one delicious meal each month using an actual recipe. This probably happened every other month. But that's better than not at all!
- Travel to a new country. Sigh. Maybe next year.
- Write two business plans. Still working on one.
- Apply to the Micro to Millions program. Almost as good; I joined a non-profit board specializing in micro-finance. I've indirectly helped several businesses obtain grants and loans this year.
- Begin studying for GMATs. Tabled until I decide which graduate degree I shall pursue.
- Figure out how to have beautiful skin. Done! It's not perfectly beautiful yet, but it's significantly better. Bee pollen plus royal jelly coupled with a very pure kind of soap and lots of moisturizing has helped the rosacea tremendously.

Other noteable 2008 accomplishments:
- Nearly drowned a man.
- Nearly fell in love.
- Obtained mono (not from the near-love).
- Faced my biggest fear and lived to tell about it.
- Saw a shrink.
- Many, many more I'm too lazy to type.

2009 Goals
- Visit another country. (This one shall be on my list every year until I die.)
- Watch 30 films. (A sad effort to be able to converse with my smart, film-y friends.)
- Take a watercolor class.
- Read a translated Russian novel.
- Choose my next graduate study program.
- Apply to an Ivy.
- Be accepted by an Ivy grad program. (I broke these up so I can check off at least one.)
- Get paid for delivering a speech.
- Throw a dinner party.
- Break the quarter million mark. (This does not reference my earnings, sadly, but a different number.)
- Pay off all personal and business debt.
- Run that damn 5k.

Here's to living, yo.

Celebration Wedding

Note: I do not know who wrote this but it is beautiful. Enjoy.

"This is for the ones whose hope is falling
And you no longer hear your savior's calling.

This is for the ones whoes backs are turning
And that passion-filled heart you once had has stopped burning.

This is for the ones abandoned.
Now all alone with no solace
and you think you're stranded.

This is for you empty, by life branded,
That had a vision that took leap, but it never landed.

This is for the ones who are plagued.
By those mysteries of life.
And you feel torn inside
by this mind of spirit and strife.

This is for the ones whoes desire to do good is always outweighed
and you don't do as you should.

This is for the ones who mistakes are too many to count
and the guilt on your chest just continues to mount.

This is for the ones who have been done wrong by sins.
At the corrupted hands of perverted men.

Hold on.
HOLD ON!

Because soon will come the Celebration Wedding
and bundles of restoration will be our bedding.

Soon will come the Celebration Wedding
and bundles of restoration will be our bedding.

The trumpeter is taking a breath
The guests are taking their seats.
The Bride is putting on a veil.
The Father is making last-minute preparations.

There's Thousands Times Ten Thousand
angels waiting in holy expectation.

The readied groom is readied.

Soon will come the Celebration Wedding

If you are hurting, your hurt will cease.
If you are restless, you will find peace.
If you are empty, You will be filled.
All of these doubts, they'll be stilled.

If life for you is just to trying, Your tears will be dissipate.
There won't be anymore crying.
If the only thing you know is shame, you will be cleansed
and never again feel the same.

If you can't see straight.

focus.
persevere.
And wait…

Soon will come the Celebration Wedding
and bundles of restoration will be our bedding."

August Books

Winds of War
More Herman Wouk! I do so enjoy him. I read this so I could go on to read War and Remembrance.

Flight of the Falcon
Apparently, there was a Very Bad Spy back in the day who made big headlines. He escaped from prison and this is the story of his recapture. Semi-boring but I wanted SOMETHING to read!

Better: A Surgeon's Notes on Performance
A doctor's perspective on where health care can, and should, improve. Thought provoking as I am relatively ignorant about health care reforms.

Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back
A book about a lesbian who dressed as a man and essentially was a man for about a year and a half. She contrasts life as a man verses life as a women. I finished the book thankful for my femininity.

The Namesake
Ever since reading Interpreter of Maladies, I had been dying to read this book. I loved it, even more than I loved the film. Beautiful.

Joy Luck Club
I had a terrible time following this book as it was only until half-way through that I realized I was being told the stories of eight different women. I spent most of the book confused. Do not particularly recommend.

July Books

Me and Orson Welles by Robert Kaplow, a silly little novel I picked up at the library. Rather dull, in spots, but entertaining in others. I do not recommend.

Florence of Arabia by Christopher Buckley, a comedy about US foreign policy regarding the Middle East. Coming from the writer of Thank You for Smoking, I was a tiny bit disappointed. There were definitely some highly amusing moments, to be sure, but reading it in one sitting soured me slightly, I think. Great for a fluffly, summer read.

East of the Mountains by David Guterson begins slightly depressing. The author walks the reader through a slow, gradual redemption that gives a satisfying ending that isn't saccherine.

Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, a re-read.

The Caine Mutiny, a re-read. (I was running out of books.)

The Life of Pi, my first time through and I loved it. One evening, I was particularly depressed and was mesmerized as I read of Pi conquoring his fears. I couldn't return to studying after that so polished off the book in one sitting. I definitely recommend this book.

Goal Achieved: Beautiful Skin

Despite having half my face covered with rosacea, an incurable skin disease, I have stumbled across a regimen that leaves my skin glowing and lovely. By eating healthy, exercising occasionally, drinking at least one gallon of water each day, moisturizing with cocoa butter each night and eating two tablespoons of bee pollen each day, my skin is pink, fair and smooth. I have had this dread condition for eleven years and am beyond thrilled to have finally figured out a combination of things that will conquer it. What's more, some days, I can even go without and sort of concealer/foundation/powder.

Rock on.

June Books

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd was referred to me by multiple people. Finally, I sat down and read the book. It was a sweet story but not all that.

The World is Flat by Thomas Freidman, a best-seller four years ago that makes me look terribly behind-the-times by reading four years after it was published. Not that I care because I thoroughly enjoyed the book. It challenged some long-held opinions and truly made me think. As a business person, it forced me to think of ethical dilemnas I had never before considered. As a US citizen, it made me redefine my concept of what makes a "good" citizen. As a registered votor, it affected how I will vote in this election. I could go on but I will spare you. This book is long but definitely worth the read, if you have not already read it.